Life can be so difficult sometimes. We probably make it worse than it needs to be because of the decisions we make — and then of course, we have to contend with playing multiple roles, a natural schizophrenia, so to speak. We first need to find out who we are and deal with that, and then we have to learn how to manage our relationships, switching from one persona to another as we interact with spouses, children, employers, co-workers, extended family, and neighbors. Living in the information age doesn’t make life any easier; in fact, I think we are living in the information-overload age and there is so much going on around us it is almost impossible to keep up with everything.
Our world has become so troubled that few of us even want to hear the news anymore. In fact, ignoring bad news is a defense mechanism — so many of us block out worrisome or uncomfortable facts. We realize there is no shortage of people who hate us for who we are — a seemingly inexhaustible list of former European allies and millions of insane religionists. Our government has taken us to war, and this resulted in a divided country. In addition to disregarding bad news, we have learned to be selective about information because our physical and psychological welfare may depend on how well we manage it. And then of course, there is that nemesis time.
We only have so much time to accomplish important tasks. An average American gives up 24% of the week to his or her profession; 34% to rest. The rest of the week is up to us, but I find it instructive how Americans use it. Some statistics seem to indicate that we aren’t doing such a good job in this area — divorce rates, teenage pregnancy, and juvenile delinquency among them. Too many of us seem focused on two priorities: self and “now.” It is an unfortunate legacy to pass along to our children — and in my view, misplaced priorities and our quest for things explains why our families have become so dysfunctional, and by extension, why society is breaking down. Social affluence isn’t restricted to the United States, and neither is the decline of time-honored customs.
Material things should not define us as human beings — and yet, we have so-completely surrounded ourselves with gadgets that few of us alive today can imagine living in a fledgling society two-hundred years ago. What ever would we do without our automobiles, designer clothing, and all those widgets intended to help us manage information, such as computers, cell phones, and iPods? How would we deal with such circumstances as living in a one-room log cabin with a dirt floor and no running water? I wonder if each of us made a list of our ten most cherished things, what percentage of these would include a loved one. If we had to give up half of those things, what would they be?
Now that Thanksgiving is over, we are well on the way to the annual season of giving we call Christmas — and I wonder, what would be the best gift that any of us could give, or receive? There are so many gadgets out there to consider, where should we begin? Should the gift draw us closer to loved ones, or drive a bigger wedge between us? Computers may help us manage information, but every minute we spend online is one less we have to spend with a loved one. The iPod is great, but where do our children go when they’re under those earphones? The so-called X-Box may be what the kids want — because everyone has one — but do we, as parents need yet another competitor for our attentions?
In this quest to provide much-coveted gadgets for those who we claim to love, we have abetted in turning the season of giving, and of “joy,” to one of costly expectation and greedy materialism. We didn’t intend for any of this to happen, of course; it is the behavior we inherited from our parents — people who earnestly, but mistakenly wanted us to have a “better life” than they did, and who erred when they concluded that this was best defined as manufactured goods. This year, we another opportunity to turn things around — a possible consequence of so many product recalls involving Chinese made toys. It may be too late for the teenagers in our family, but perhaps we can still save the younger kids. “Now” could be an ideal time to reevaluate the meaning of “giving.”
I think it is obvious that how we play our various roles, as a spouse or parent, is critical to forming and maintaining relationships. Rather than giving presents that encourage loved ones to withdraw from us, perhaps they simply need (and want) more of our attention. I am making this proposition because in the final analysis, the worth of our life may be more about what we achieve in human relationships than it is about what we attain in material goods — and because our children are learning this behavior from us, our behavior toward them is the foundation for future generations. It isn’t jewelry, electronic gadgets, or some plaything that that is the ideal gift. It is the giving of our time, our attention — and ourselves.
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